Archives for September 2015

The bed pillows: Lacy’s favorite spot

Sleep, a good night’s sleep, is an all-too-elusive capacity for me. I aim for seven good hours per night and maybe, just maybe, I’ll achieve that goal two nights out of seven. When my allergy is active, I take Nyquil; this cuts the nasal draining and the resultant cough, but I also sleep deeply. Aleve PM is the favorite go-to during non-allergic cycles. However, I am skeptical about taking two many over-the-counter medicines with acetaminophen, since that is an ingredient in many pain-killing products and it is easy to overdose by taking more than 4000 milligrams per day (combining a sleep aid with a pain aid with an allergy reliever). Too much of a good thing has been linked to liver damage.

I’ve discovered that a combination of natural activities, plus heightening my Vitamin B intake, seem to be helping. To bed as much as possible by 9:00 or 9:30; since I am an early riser, this is not a problem. No late-night television watching or computer work; something about the glare from the screens interrupting the normal activity of the melatonin in our system that helps us sleep. A warm bath at night is desired, although I am generally too tired to participate in this relaxing soporific. Deep breaths—25 at least—in and out, in and out, slow my mind down, and I have been trying simple eye-movement exercises, scanning from the left to the center to the right, then back from the right to the center to the left. These seem to quiet my brain; don’t ask me to explain, but it has something to do with crossing from the left brain to the right and back again.

Most of the time, falling to sleep is not my problem; it’s staying asleep. Going into deep sleep is also difficult, into that REM sleep where the dream world informs us that we have really dropped below the semi-conscious sleep barrier.

I’m having some success—dreaming and being able to go back to sleep when I wake at one a.m., two-thirty, or three. This sleep saga, however, has not been helped by the fact that our son’s little Chihuahua, who has been staying with us this summer and then this last month while her owner is moving from Phoenix to Atlanta, loves to burrow under the covers and sleep pressed against warm skin.

I am not the kind of woman who allows animals to hop in bed, and believe me, we’ve had plenty of pets throughout the years, but something about the displacement of our “grand” pets when they are dropped off while their owners go gallivanting has touched my heart. Carlie, Joel’s rescue dog, jumps up on the foot of the bed. She is always so obviously grateful to be left at our house and not the dog pound that I take pity on her.

And the inevitable lump in our well-made bed that is Lacy, the Chihuahua, has been cause for so much humor and she is so little, that I’ve bent the rules again and we’ve let her burrow under the covers with us. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that she whimpers when our son, Randall, leaves, her little body shaking from stress.

Last night, however, when I woke at 1:00 and realized that I’d been maneuvering carefully all night so that I wouldn’t squish the little dog under the covers (how does she breathe?), I decided I would change beds; leave David in the guest room where we had parked since I washed all the bedding, sheets and pillowcases and summer blankets and mattress covers in our bedroom, hanging them all out on the line to dry in the sun. Perhaps I would go back to sleep better without the warm little dog tucking up against my legs.

I went through all the routines, eye movements, deep breathing, keeping my mind from racing toward the next day’s things-to-do list. A quick look in the bedside cabinet reminded me that I had packed the sleep mask in my airplane kit and I didn’t want to go rooting around to find that, but there was the rosary I purchased when David and I toured the Vatican in Rome some 15 years ago. I climbed back into bed, using a Scripture mantra per each bead—“Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and praise His holy name.” Finally, I remember hearing the downstairs clock chime three a.m. and nothing else until I woke this morning at 6:30.

I suppose I should look forward to this sleep adventure every evening. It is a monumental dilemma in my life: Will I or will I not get enough sleep? In fact, I hate to admit it, but the first thing I write in my prayer journal every morning is the amount of sleep I achieved the night before. Today’s journal is a sample: To bed by 9:30, slept to 1:00 = 3 ½ hours. Back to sleep by 3:00, awake at 6:30 = 3 1/2 hours. Total 7.

Rest. Deep sleep. Dreams. These are the goals. But I’m afraid, for a while, the sleep saga goes on. And it looks like we’re going to have the little dog for another month.

 

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Award-winning author Karen Mains has long had an interest in spiritual formation and the obedient Christian walk. She has written about the God Hunt in her book by the same name, The God Hunt: The Delightful Chase and the Wonder of Being Found. A hardback copy can be ordered from Mainstay Ministries for $10.00 plus $4.95 shipping and handling. Contact Karen at info@mainstayministries.org and she will be happy to autograph a copy for you.

Karen continues to write content for her Christian blog, “Thoughts-by-Karen-Mains.” In so doing, she desires to touch the lives of Christian women and men and help them find ways to walk closer with the Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, through silent retreats, spiritual teaching, women’s retreats, Christian vacation opportunities, and other ministry activities, Karen helps each Christian woman and man receive vital spiritual food.

Through her Hungry Souls ministry, Karen serves as a spiritual coach to many Christian women and men, and teaches a mentor-writing class. And, through the Global Bag Project, she is working to develop a network of African women who sew exquisite cloth reusable shopping bags, Africa bags. This micro-finance women opportunity helps provide a much-needed sustainable income for struggling African families. For more information on this critically important project, please click here.

For decades, Karen and her husband, David, have served God through religious communications—radio, television, and print publication. They are the co-authors of the Kingdom Tales Trilogy: Tales of the Kingdom, Tales of the Resistance, and Tales of the Restoration. To find many valuable resources for pastors and congregations at the Mainstay Ministries main website, please click here.

Likewise, pastors will find special resources to help them prepare effective, life-transforming Sunday sermons by visiting David Mains’ website by clicking here.

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Five of twenty wedding boxes

Melissa, my daughter, and I were at Home Depot’s garden center. She had notified me that a shipload of fall mums had come in and were being sold for great prices. We spent the morning at Turtle Creek Acres, walking in the marsh and clipping cattails for autumn arrangements. We planned a one-day Advent Retreat of Silence, an October dance under the moonlight (a la Van Morrison’s “Well, it’s a marvelous night for a moon dance with the stars up above in the skies…”), and talked about the florals for Caitlyn’s Mains’ December wedding. Melissa had found some lovely winter centerpieces on Pinterest using greens and white flowers arranged in old drawers and boxes.

A text inquiring as to the number of tables and as to whether they were round or square (20 tables and round), set us thinking about procuring old drawers at antique shops. Obviously, now that we knew the answer to our text, square boxes would be best—but twenty…? Where exactly would we find these without an inordinate amount of time spent running around. Melissa used to have a floral-design business; it was nothing for her and her partner to turn in a wedding invoice for $7,000 to $8,000 for the bouquets, boutonnieres, alter arrangements and reception centerpieces. Doing the florals for Caitlyn’s wedding was Melissa’s gift to her niece (and my granddaughter—the first wedding of that generation).

While Melissa was making inquires of the garden center salesperson, I wandered around looking at items on outside shelving. Lo and behold! a shelf held rustic boxes of various sizes. Some ten were perfectly square, about 10 inches by 10 inches. Brown stain covered rustic shapes. Blackboard paint on one side would allow for a chalk-written message, something like “Best Wishes to Jake and Caitlyn.”

Best of all, the boxes were marked down from $10.00 to $7.99. “Ask the garden salesperson, if we buy all those boxes, can he give them to us for $5.00.” A deal was quickly struck; the young man happened to be the supervisor with power to make such a decision. He kindly checked with other nearby Home Depots to see if there were similar boxes in stock; there were.

Melissa picked up five boxes at a store nearby, and a day later, I drove out to the Home Depot in Aurora to pick up five more. Melissa got hers for $5 also; the supervisor I worked with gave mine to me for $6 each—still a bargain. We bought 20 boxes that sold regularly for $200 for $75 plus $30; that’s $105 total.

It may seem silly, but in such simple things, in such loving kindnesses is God’s hand shown to me. Melissa and I could have chased through antique store after antique store and never found 20 square antique wooden drawers in which we would put the winter centerpieces. We would certainly have never found drawers for $5 each.

In my prayer journal this week, I wrote out one of my favorite phrases from the Psalms. I know the phrase well and often repeat it to myself, but it seemed time again to record this reminder: “O give thanks to the Lord for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever.” This is true every day of my life, even pertaining to things seemingly mundane, such as wedding boxes.

 

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Award-winning author Karen Mains has long had an interest in spiritual formation and the obedient Christian walk. She has written about the God Hunt in her book by the same name, The God Hunt: The Delightful Chase and the Wonder of Being Found. A hardback copy can be ordered from Mainstay Ministries for $10.00 plus $4.95 shipping and handling. Contact Karen at info@mainstayministries.org and she will be happy to autograph a copy for you.

Karen continues to write content for her Christian blog, “Thoughts-by-Karen-Mains.” In so doing, she desires to touch the lives of Christian women and men and help them find ways to walk closer with the Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, through silent retreats, spiritual teaching, women’s retreats, Christian vacation opportunities, and other ministry activities, Karen helps each Christian woman and man receive vital spiritual food.

Through her Hungry Souls ministry, Karen serves as a spiritual coach to many Christian women and men, and teaches a mentor-writing class. And, through the Global Bag Project, she is working to develop a network of African women who sew exquisite cloth reusable shopping bags, Africa bags. This micro-finance women opportunity helps provide a much-needed sustainable income for struggling African families. For more information on this critically important project, please click here.

For decades, Karen and her husband, David, have served God through religious communications—radio, television, and print publication. They are the co-authors of the Kingdom Tales Trilogy: Tales of the Kingdom, Tales of the Resistance, and Tales of the Restoration. To find many valuable resources for pastors and congregations at the Mainstay Ministries main website, please click here.

Likewise, pastors will find special resources to help them prepare effective, life-transforming Sunday sermons by visiting David Mains’ website by clicking here.

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Freshly painted patio furniture

When it comes to fixing things up, David and I are the kind of people who take a while to get around to the tasks at hand. The ceramic tiles on our kitchen floor, for instance, have been cracked for years, and after my son taped down the throw rug that caught my foot, causing me to trip across the open dishwasher door and fall, tearing my rotator cuff, some 20 tiles came loose (and I mean pulled off the cement that was supposed to keep them tightened against the flooring) when I lifted the dirty rug to throw it in the washer. Since then, every month, another tile in the creeping hole beneath the kitchen cabinets loosens, cracks, breaks and is tossed. These things drive me nuts, both visually and also because I’m wary of living in a home that fast becomes a shanty due to neglect.

Some of this is because there are never extra funds to hire fix-it men; some of this is because David is not a fixer (although sometimes he surprises me). Some of this is because he doesn’t see the holes, or cracks, or out-of-date cabinetry in the kitchen. Partly, that is because I am not a whiner or a complainer or a nag. I’m the kind of gal who grits her teeth and makes do. Believe me, this is not a virtue. God doesn’t seem to be paying me much mind, either. My attitude, even when things get rough, goes toward the positive side. I practice gratitude to a fault. As far as the divine goes, I’m newly considering the virtuosity in this approach. Any good thing has a limit, right? Maybe I need to speak up a little more—at home and to the heavens.

My sister is married to a man who would never put up with the physical and material faults that I put up with. In fact, my husband’s mother would never have stood for a creeping fault-line in the tiles on her kitchen floor—or anything else in the household fix-it category. What is wrong with me? I think this started in childhood. I can’t ever remember asking for something. “Can I have…? I need some… How can I get…?” are phrases that when it comes to home repairs, even now, exist somewhere outside of my vocabulary.

So it was unusual one summer morning last week, after a set of discouraging events, which actually caused me to feel discouraged, that I complained. I counted up the carpeting in the downstairs and discovered that it had been on our floors for 38 years—and it looks like it. I complained loudly. No one keeps carpeting on their floor for 38 years, do they?

To his credit, David instantly diverted some funds he had been saving for something else toward projects around the house. We had the downstairs windows replaced last January; he has just finished paying off the $7,000 cost, so my husband figured he could put aside some funds toward overdue fix-it projects. After 52 years of marriage, my husband can recognize depression stalking around. “What shall we do first?” he asked, plotting to stave off a downward spiral.

The new window frames have been bare since January; they needed dark stain. The outside roof trim where the trees fell against the house three summers ago and where insurance paid for new roofing also needed to be stained. The back wall from which a crew from the church had torn a moldering screened-in porch, leaving a decidedly uneven patchwork of tones, drastically needed a touch up (Willie had painted the whole house a chocolate brown two summers back). My garden benches outside, so charming when they were delivered several summers ago, are now whining about being weather-worn. They need to be sanded, primed, repainted and coated with polyurethane. Paint is chipping off the back door that was probably last coated some 10 years ago—both inside and outside.

I have a wonderful painter, Willie Lopez, who works efficiently and expertly. Because we are in ministry, his prices are extremely affordable, even for us. “Let’s have the window frames stained and the outside paint jobs finished.” David and I agreed we could afford this. In addition, two years ago, I designed and screwed together wood shelving to make two large trellises. One of the many neglected projects, they have been stacked forlorn on the patio beneath the lilac bushes—which mean, of course, that we couldn’t sit there during lilac time. If Willie painted those, David and I could get them hung, and come spring they would be ready to hold the clematis and the hop vine that are clambering over now insubstantial hardware store frames.

There is something wonderful about getting things fixed up. I came home this morning after running around for the right color paints—one gallon for the back door (and enough for the other three doors that David and I can paint ourselves); one gallon of another shade for the wooden patio and table with enough paint leftover to do the little bench at the end of the garden path. A 15-minute trip took me to the Benjamin Moore store to pick up that hard-to-match chocolate-brown stain for the outside back patio wall. Willie had already put the first coat on the window frames, then primed the door. When I came back from another errand, he was rolling brown stain (“A perfect match!” we both agreed) on the back wall.

Having been running around since 4 a.m., I went upstairs to put my feet up and take a rest. Things were getting fixed. I pondered the rising feeling of well-being—what was it exactly? I felt cared for. I felt loved. I felt that my concerns had been heard. And Willie, the painter who always does things so well at a price that even we can afford, was kind of a God-figure—at least for this day and probably the rest of this month. He is someone who has made certain things in my life that were wrong right. He has brought order into disorder. It’s wonderful, isn’t it, when things get fixed.

I think this is how people feel when something gets fixed in their personal lives—“You were there when I needed you,” has become something of a mantra these days. “I wouldn’t have gotten through my divorce without you.”

Helping people fix things up—either the material collapses or the emotional ones—is a godly act, and the end result, at least for a while, is this feeling that someone cares, someone has come to help, someone will make it right. Let us praise God for the fixers in the world, the ones we can afford who help us put our lives back together, even better than they were before.

 

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Award-winning author Karen Mains has long had an interest in spiritual formation and the obedient Christian walk. She has written about the God Hunt in her book by the same name, The God Hunt: The Delightful Chase and the Wonder of Being Found. A hardback copy can be ordered from Mainstay Ministries for $10.00 plus $4.95 shipping and handling. Contact Karen at info@mainstayministries.org and she will be happy to autograph a copy for you.

Karen continues to write content for her Christian blog, “Thoughts-by-Karen-Mains.” In so doing, she desires to touch the lives of Christian women and men and help them find ways to walk closer with the Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, through silent retreats, spiritual teaching, women’s retreats, Christian vacation opportunities, and other ministry activities, Karen helps each Christian woman and man receive vital spiritual food.

Through her Hungry Souls ministry, Karen serves as a spiritual coach to many Christian women and men, and teaches a mentor-writing class. And, through the Global Bag Project, she is working to develop a network of African women who sew exquisite cloth reusable shopping bags, Africa bags. This micro-finance women opportunity helps provide a much-needed sustainable income for struggling African families. For more information on this critically important project, please click here.

For decades, Karen and her husband, David, have served God through religious communications—radio, television, and print publication. They are the co-authors of the Kingdom Tales Trilogy: Tales of the Kingdom, Tales of the Resistance, and Tales of the Restoration. To find many valuable resources for pastors and congregations at the Mainstay Ministries main website, please click here.

Likewise, pastors will find special resources to help them prepare effective, life-transforming Sunday sermons by visiting David Mains’ website by clicking here.

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August is always a woeful donor month here at Mainstay Ministries. We squeak by on fumes and patience because the checks coming in the door dwindle. August is traditionally our second-lowest donor month: April, tax month, is always our first. They are both uncomfortable financial seasons.

So it is important to get our donor letter out on time, and I often find myself prayerfully pleading for help: Help me to get an idea! Help me to get it written (within the two-page limit)! Help me to think of some fresh way to ask for money (after some 50 years of being dependent upon the kindness of the donor—what a way to earn an existence!)

This last week, I came sailing into the office with my part-time editor, for once here ahead of me, ready and waiting. David interrupted my momentum by nicely demanding I take a photo of him autographing books from one of the 42 boxes containing the 1,000 books, new reprints of the Tales of Resistance, which arrived from the China printer a couple weeks ago. “Can’t you wait for me to do that?” I asked. “No,” came the answer, “Heather Ann [our office manager] can’t finish the donor receipt for August until I have a photo for it.” So I reluctantly took his phone, framed a photo, took several shots, chose the best one, went outside for AT&T reception because his iPhone shows no bars when he is in the office, emailed the photo to Heather Ann, then finally got to my desk and waiting editor to do a blitz on the design of the donor letter, the response device and the envelope.

It wasn’t until I got to my desk that I realized the photo I just under protest shot would be perfect for the September donor letter response device. It wasn’t until I got to my desk that I remembered we had a new illustration in Dropbox showing Little Child (from Book Three of the Tales of the Kingdom trilogy) fighting off wolves during Crossing Alone from Great Park to Bright City. It wasn’t until I began to cut copy to fit into the two-page letter, that I realized everything I needed to finish this project had been put into my hand without me asking (except in my somewhat-general but urgent morning plea—Help me to get the donor letter out the door today, Oh Lord!).

George Koch, my editor, had everything completed, Xeroxed off for copy and design approval, and off to our printers, Lightning Source, in about two hours. To me, this was evidence of the collaboration I have come to recognize and respect from the Great Designer and Greatest Communicator. Unfortunately, too often I forget to take the time to pause and see exactly where it was I had unusual help to do God’s work in the world.

Actually, I have learned that God is also the Master Collaborator in the life that is Karen Mains. My times and my being are in his hands. They are in his hands. When I stop, take deep breaths and say to myself, Now where is it I have seen God working in this day?, I always (ALWAYS) discover His involvement in my being. It is a joy to realize this, a source of delight, often the cause of mischievous laughter, and proof positive that I am loved, loved deeply enough for the Master of the Universe to bend somehow some way into the minuscule molecular formulae that make up who and what I am.

I am awed, overwhelmed, grateful and mostly surprised. “My times are in His hands…”

 

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Award-winning author Karen Mains has long had an interest in spiritual formation and the obedient Christian walk. She has written about the God Hunt in her book by the same name, The God Hunt: The Delightful Chase and the Wonder of Being Found. A hardback copy can be ordered from Mainstay Ministries for $10.00 plus $4.95 shipping and handling. Contact Karen at info@mainstayministries.org and she will be happy to autograph a copy for you.

Karen continues to write content for her Christian blog, “Thoughts-by-Karen-Mains.” In so doing, she desires to touch the lives of Christian women and men and help them find ways to walk closer with the Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, through silent retreats, spiritual teaching, women’s retreats, Christian vacation opportunities, and other ministry activities, Karen helps each Christian woman and man receive vital spiritual food.

Through her Hungry Souls ministry, Karen serves as a spiritual coach to many Christian women and men, and teaches a mentor-writing class. And, through the Global Bag Project, she is working to develop a network of African women who sew exquisite cloth reusable shopping bags, Africa bags. This micro-finance women opportunity helps provide a much-needed sustainable income for struggling African families. For more information on this critically important project, please click here.

For decades, Karen and her husband, David, have served God through religious communications—radio, television, and print publication. They are the co-authors of the Kingdom Tales Trilogy: Tales of the Kingdom, Tales of the Resistance, and Tales of the Restoration. To find many valuable resources for pastors and congregations at the Mainstay Ministries main website, please click here.

Likewise, pastors will find special resources to help them prepare effective, life-transforming Sunday sermons by visiting David Mains’ website by clicking here.

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Since February of this year, I have led what finally amounted to four Memoir-Writing Classes twice a month (eight classes per month in all), and due to the varieties in schedules and the specific coaching needs of developing writers, I have also made room for some additional two or three private phone appointments per month. This means that over a seven-month period, I have taught some 77 classes! All this for $150. I obviously was not prepared for a total of 15 individuals signing up, nor did I know how much time I was committing myself to giving (an estimated 105 hours of teaching, not to mention the organization and preparation requirements in addition to the fact that I wrote up notes after each week’s session in order to email that record around to the group).

No wonder a former literary agent, now a book group friend, insisted that I should be charging $800 to $1200 for the class.

However, when I tally up what I received from the class, my fee for the next round of memoir-writing teleconference sessions—to begin in February 2016—my new fee of $400 seems fairly sensible. Here’s the list:

1. New friends, both men and women. This is always a delight, to meet new people and to journey with them for a while, sharing our lives together. Particularly, this is true when people share their stories, and that indeed is exactly what memoir writing does—it forces the teller to organize, reconstruct personal memories, design the writing in such a way that it has meaning for the readers, then send it forth into the world, hopefully to do good as it goes.

   The very fact of listening to one another read aloud portions from his/her life creates an amazing bond considering we will probably never see one another, could not pick one another out in a crowd, and most likely will never talk to one another from this time forward. At the end of each of our sessions in this our last week, someone, maybe more than one person, thanked the other participants and gave specific reasons why being in an encouraging, safe group had been a “healing” process in their lives. I take no credit for the “healing” process, but I feel really good about being the catalyst who helped it happen.

2. The privilege of being trusted to hear and hold (and even gently help to frame and form) these stories. I am a wiser, more compassionate, more patient woman for having journeyed with these new friends for seven months out of this year.

   Frankly, I’m overwhelmed with love for all those trapped in this human condition. I’m amazed at their courage, humbled by the fact that the memoir writing has helped many to come to terms with painful perplexities, and that I, Karen Mains, get to be a witness to it all. At 72 years of age, I’ve seemed to reach that condition termed “amour mundi” (or as I translate: “to be in love with the world and the creatures in it”). The classes (some 105 hours of teaching and listening) have been largely responsible for this.

3. The accountability of teaching has made me scramble to be prepared to teach. I’ve re-read memoirs I’ve loved from the past, researched the memoir-writing format, read books recommended by members of the class and stretched my own critical and analytical capacities. The teacher always grows more than the students. That certainly has been the case in my circumstances.

I’m not sorry that the memoir classes are ending, because they have demanded huge chunks of my time; for eight months every other week has been a memoir-class week, and this responsibility has interfered in my own writing schedule. But I’m a much, much better woman than I was when I started. Scientists who study the impact on the brain of the process of listening—hearing and being understood, listening and being listened to and consequently understanding one another more deeply—talk about contingent communication, a kind of empathy that develops between the hearer and the listener. Memoir reading and memoir classes provide just this kind of opportunity. I am a witness.

A handful of participants have indicated that they want to sign up for the next round of classes. I may be the biggest learner in these last seven months, but it is deeply satisfying in knowing that so many found the experience so gratifying they want to go forward. So perhaps the memoir classes are not really ending, just taking a pause.

 

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Award-winning author Karen Mains has long had an interest in spiritual formation and the obedient Christian walk. She has written about the God Hunt in her book by the same name, The God Hunt: The Delightful Chase and the Wonder of Being Found. A hardback copy can be ordered from Mainstay Ministries for $10.00 plus $4.95 shipping and handling. Contact Karen at info@mainstayministries.org and she will be happy to autograph a copy for you.

Karen continues to write content for her Christian blog, “Thoughts-by-Karen-Mains.” In so doing, she desires to touch the lives of Christian women and men and help them find ways to walk closer with the Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, through silent retreats, spiritual teaching, women’s retreats, Christian vacation opportunities, and other ministry activities, Karen helps each Christian woman and man receive vital spiritual food.

Through her Hungry Souls ministry, Karen serves as a spiritual coach to many Christian women and men, and teaches a mentor-writing class. And, through the Global Bag Project, she is working to develop a network of African women who sew exquisite cloth reusable shopping bags, Africa bags. This micro-finance women opportunity helps provide a much-needed sustainable income for struggling African families. For more information on this critically important project, please click here.

For decades, Karen and her husband, David, have served God through religious communications—radio, television, and print publication. They are the co-authors of the Kingdom Tales Trilogy: Tales of the Kingdom, Tales of the Resistance, and Tales of the Restoration. To find many valuable resources for pastors and congregations at the Mainstay Ministries main website, please click here.

Likewise, pastors will find special resources to help them prepare effective, life-transforming Sunday sermons by visiting David Mains’ website by clicking here.

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